Thursday 26 July 2007
Never fear, Craig is here!
That's right our lovely readers, we have compiled some of Craig Dean's best faces to make up for the lacking in our introductory post. Enjoy!
Early Birds
I'm not going to be here come 6:30pm tomorrow so I'm watching the E4 ep of Hozza. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't keep myself from mentioning the God awful hair that Louise is sporting, and that flowery, flowing mess of a top/dress she's wearing 'aint all that'.
Ah, enjoying a bit of Peter Kay are we Jake and Nancy? Garlic bread anyone?
Ah, enjoying a bit of Peter Kay are we Jake and Nancy? Garlic bread anyone?
Dirty Skank Hoes (no, we don't mean Louise...)
Hollyoaks intros are the best things ever, nicely setting us up for the episode that awaits. The radio plays "hannarexic". Classic. haha.
Gilly threatens to infiltrate their non-eating world with his greasy hair and fries, SHOCK HORROR! And seriously, what is going on with Hannah's face? Is that makeup supposed to make her look gaunt? Because she just looks dirrrty. And now her and this fake model girl (as IF she's a model) are ganging up on people together looking like the girls from the Craft.
Nancy and Jake are the worst wallpaperers EVER! Nancy seems to be hellbent on punking up the flat with a nice purple, yet on the close ups one can see that she's just slapped on some A3 paper and it's coming off the wall. I thought Jake was a DIY man? (I think he's just a gardener)
Now, Sasha - is she Hollyoaks' answer to Gandhi? She is wiiiiiise. Her theories on racing and problem pages are inspirational. Amen to that Hutchinson!
Gilly threatens to infiltrate their non-eating world with his greasy hair and fries, SHOCK HORROR! And seriously, what is going on with Hannah's face? Is that makeup supposed to make her look gaunt? Because she just looks dirrrty. And now her and this fake model girl (as IF she's a model) are ganging up on people together looking like the girls from the Craft.
Nancy and Jake are the worst wallpaperers EVER! Nancy seems to be hellbent on punking up the flat with a nice purple, yet on the close ups one can see that she's just slapped on some A3 paper and it's coming off the wall. I thought Jake was a DIY man? (I think he's just a gardener)
Now, Sasha - is she Hollyoaks' answer to Gandhi? She is wiiiiiise. Her theories on racing and problem pages are inspirational. Amen to that Hutchinson!
Hello HozzaOaks
Instead of keeping our Hozza-related angst to ourselves we decided to unleash our fury on the world so that you too can share in our delight and/or disgust at the joy of HozzaOaks*
Let us introduce our rating system.
We shall assign each blog a number of stars, from one to five, to represent our expressions whilst watching an episode of Hozza.
Five stars means that when we sit down on our sofas at 6.30pm, we look like this:
An average episode of Hozza, at three stars:
Of course, sometimes my dear Hozza fans, it can let us down. Sometimes no tears are shed, no shags are had and no one dies. So, with a rating of one star we can't help but feel something like this (we tried to find Craig Dean's classic anger face but there was no google joy):
* roughly translated means Hollyoaks, the most beautious Chester-based soap opera of our time, gracing Channel 4's scheduling since 1995.
Let us introduce our rating system.
We shall assign each blog a number of stars, from one to five, to represent our expressions whilst watching an episode of Hozza.
Five stars means that when we sit down on our sofas at 6.30pm, we look like this:
An average episode of Hozza, at three stars:
Of course, sometimes my dear Hozza fans, it can let us down. Sometimes no tears are shed, no shags are had and no one dies. So, with a rating of one star we can't help but feel something like this (we tried to find Craig Dean's classic anger face but there was no google joy):
* roughly translated means Hollyoaks, the most beautious Chester-based soap opera of our time, gracing Channel 4's scheduling since 1995.
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