That faux break-up between Jon-Paul and Elliot is possibly the best scene to play out in Hollyoaks in a long time! Absolutely loved it! "You are the gay tart of hollyoaks." hahaha. Brilliant.

And what's this Lauren? Got a conscience? Got a crush?

Oh blimey Darren. He is the singular most moronic character in Hollyoaks.

Woah, hold the Hollyoaks front page. Who on earth is that gross man with nipples large enough to hang gofers on? His plastic hair that was clearly the thing that repelled Charlie's buggy into retreat. When Hollyoaks decided to to go down the jokey route and make everyone "hot", was there a clause in the contract that enforced an entire male cast of munters? Honestly.

And we're feeling a little sorry for Nile this episode. Sure, he's a psychopath with small devious eyes, but devious-eyed psychopaths have feelings too.

As I was pondering the reason why the MENTAL HOSPITAL that Jake is in seem to let absolutely anyone in to visit, I realised that Justin the Lad has slept with both of Jake's wives hahaha. AND they were sisters. Get in there. Now, I don't condone adultery, but come on, that's pretty good going.

Nooooo Justin, don't pawn off Charlie for Louise.